It was late at night; I was tired, and my partner next to me started crying intensely,
breathing heavily, and becoming overwhelmed. Her body was taken over by
emotion. I think most of us recognise such a moment, whether in ourselves or in
someone close to us.
In my sleepiness, I stayed present with her, comforted her, and invited her to focus
on her breath. After repeating several times for her to keep connecting to her breath,
she experienced this as invalidating her feelings and asked me to just ‘let her be’. To
her, it felt as though I was asking her to suppress what needed to be expressed.
However, emotions need to be felt, not necessarily expressed.
Often, from a young age, we are taught, that intense
emotions need to be soothed or stopped, rather than fully felt. Maybe that is why, in
moments like these, guidance can feel like interruption.
I was given a new lesson because the power of breathing through, alongside, truly
feeling our emotions offers something deeper. It is not about replacing emotion with
control, but about creating a foundation strong enough to hold the intensity of what
we feel.
The question then becomes; how can I communicate this without making the person
feel like they are doing it wrong, or that they are not allowed to express their
emotions?
By softening into the moment. Allowing the emotions while gently guiding the breath.
By being present enough that the breath can be felt, rather than forcing or neglecting
the breath.
The conscious, connected breath provides an anchor—a steady rhythm in moments
where everything else feels chaotic. When we stay connected to our breath while
emotions arise, we allow ourselves to feel fully—without getting lost in the
overwhelm.
Focusing on the breath allows one to stay present with what is, instead of being
consumed by it. It allows emotions to move, rather than get stuck or spiral (out of
control). The inhale creates space; the exhale releases and relaxes. Together, they
form a cycle in which emotions can rise, peak, and gently integrate.
In that sense, the breath does not suppress; it supports. It holds us as we move
through discomfort, helping the body complete what it once could not complete.
And from this experience with my partner, I learned the importance of the connected
breath through whatever we feel. And I learned how to communicate that to
someone who is overwhelmed in a soft, and implicit way.
The real power of the breath is not to escape what we feel, but to stay with it—fully,
safely, and with awareness.
Lot Platteel (AIR School trainee)
